title: whatever gets you true
author: jessica
mail: thegirlinglasses@illuminatedtext.com
date: january 07, 2003
Well me, I'm only human too
So whatever gets you true - Paddy Casey
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It doesn't make any sense, but he does it anyway. He was asleep, wrapped up and swinging gently in the loft. There was a sound, or a voice, and now he's walking across the yard. Clark holds the blanket around his shoulders, letting it trail behind him like the capes he used to make out of towels when he was a boy.
His mother would not approve of Clark dragging the quilt she made him for his first Kansas Christmas through the dirt, and his father would have something to say about Clark opening the storm cellar alone in the middle of the night and stepping inside.
Clark was never afraid of the dark, even as a boy, even before his x-ray vision kicked in. His father says that he's always been brave, when Clark was just doing everything because he didn't know any other way. His mother has a more romantic idea, one pertaining to the stars and the black space he came from.
Clark doesn't have an answer. He just knows that, even the first time his father led him down the stairs and pulled the tarp away, the storm cellar has never held any fear. But he thought the dark might have kept Lex out a little longer.
Lex says that he lost all his fears when his mother died. Clark's been in Lex's room when he's asleep and seen the lights he leaves on. He hasn't said anything though; Clark is waiting for Lex to reveal his secrets.
Lex is on the dirt floor, cross-legged in pyjamas and Italian shoes. He's so still, hidden in the darkness, except for the moon reflected on his bare head, and the movements of one hand stroking the metal of the uncovered ship.
"Are you okay, Lex?"
Clark steps closer, lightly, trying to minimise the crunch under each step. Lex doesn't move, like he didn't - doesn't - hear Clark. The hand keeps moving, skimming oh so carefully across the smooth surface. He's entranced, in awe, and Clark doesn't have to see his eyes to know.
"Lex?"
Clark sits down behind him on the floor. Moves up close, legs on either side, arms wrapped tightly around Lex's waist.
"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen," Lex finally says in a voice so quiet that Clark probably shouldn't be able to hear. But he can, and Lex knows this.
"It's pretty cool, huh?" Lex chokes out a laugh, turning his head to find Clark's cheek to kiss.
When he finally pulls his hand away, he does it with a sigh. Lex leans back against Clark, melting into the body holding him up.
"I didn't believe you." Clark hugs him tighter. "I knew you were weird and I was expecting something, but it was never this."
"How long have you been sitting here, Lex?"
"Oh." Lex glances down at a watch that isn't there. "I don't know," he says, like he really hasn't thought about it. He looks back at Clark again and it's there in his eyes.
Lex is completely lost, a child discovering all the new ways the world can work. Matched with the smile he always gives Clark, it's just about the most beautiful Lex has ever been.
"You're cold," Clark tells him, breathing hotly on Lex's skin to help warm him up. He pulls the blanket off his shoulders and snaps it up in the air. They look up and watch the red fabric fall to cover them both. Clark tucks it in around their legs as Lex gives one last shiver to the cold.
"I'm sorry, Clark. Am I even allowed to be here?"
"Yeah, of course. Whatever you need."
"But your father-"
"It's okay, Lex." Clark takes Lex's hand in his and pulls it out from under the blanket. "Here."
Their fingers tangled together, Clark presses Lex's hand against the ship again. Clark used to do this himself. He used to spend his nights in here with the ship, holding his own hand against the cool metal and willing himself to understand.
It feels just the same, like silk on the surface, but with an undeniable hardness underneath. It feels right.
"Isn't it amazing, Clark?" Lex's voice is full of wonder; it's the same kind that was in Clark's own when he came to Lex's bed that first time. Clark gets to hold Lex's hand this time.
"Yeah," he finally answers, feeling the blood racing under Lex's skin the way he used to imagine the heartbeat of the ship, when he was sure it was alive, some kind of link to his home and his parents. "Amazing."